Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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