I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
