He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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