I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
