plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
