let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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