hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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