the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
