Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
