Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
