It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
