you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
