i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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