The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
