girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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