The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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