do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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