the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
