U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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