Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
