if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
