Just fell off a train. Bad.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
