Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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