I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
