her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
