He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
