He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
