i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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