It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
