So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
