everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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