so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
