Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
