Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
