HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
50% drunk capacity currently
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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