I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
