Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
