I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
