I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
