I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
