i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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