Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
