i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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