Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
