I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
