is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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