the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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