WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
