her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
as a side note pls kill me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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