Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
