I need help removing her.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
