the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize