The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
