I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
