even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
