We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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