He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
