he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize