at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize