Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize