I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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