Porn is love you can see.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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