Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
