I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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