She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
