Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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