It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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