never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
