I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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