I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
