It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
