I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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